How to Be Happy When You Have Every Reason Not to Be

Scott Hamilton

Figure skater Scott Hamilton, who won a gold medal in the 1984 Winter Olympics, has had to endure more than his share of tough times.
A childhood digestive disease, never properly diagnosed, permanently stunted Hamilton’s growth and nearly killed him. His mother died of cancer while he was in his teens. Hamilton was dropped by the Ice Capades just two years after his Olympic win, putting his professional skating career in doubt. He battled testicular cancer in 1997 and a brain tumor (benign) in 2004.
Hamilton once lived in fear of the problems that seemed to lurk around every corner, but now he remains happy and optimistic even during difficult times. Here are his secrets for happiness in a very imperfect world... 

Consider all problems temporary... and temporary problems unimportant. As a skater, I knew that I would fall when I tried to learn a new jump. I also knew that these falls were irrelevant as long as I got up after each one and tried again.
I try to apply this lesson to my life off the ice as well. I might have a problem right now, but "right now" is just a moment in time that soon will be gone forever... and my "problem" really is just the starting point of a journey that will lead to a solution to my problem. Why let a starting point affect my mood? What matters is where I end up, and that’s going to be somewhere better.
It might take me a while to solve my problem, but I will start to feel better as soon as I begin working toward a solution. I find tremendous joy in tackling my problems. It breaks the "victim mentality" -- a sure path to unhappiness -- and puts me back in control of my life. 

Don’t face problems alone. Men’s figure skating is a solo sport, but I still needed a coach to get the most out of my abilities. Life often seems like a solo sport, too, but finding a coach -- a spouse or a friend with whom we can share our problems -- will make our attempts to solve those problems more enjoyable and more successful. Humans are social animals, as my coach, Don Laws, used to remind me. We’re not designed to face problems alone, so we shouldn’t try to do so. 

Find strength in challenges. My mother’s struggle with breast cancer taught me that there are positive aspects to even the most devastating losses. For three years, my mother continued to earn a living... work toward her master’s degree... and raise three children, even as she endured chemotherapy.
As awful as it was when she died at age 49, the lessons I learned from her strength in the face of the challenges were the most important lessons of my life. I had been an underachiever as a boy, but following her example transformed me into an Olympic champion.
We cannot completely control the events of our lives, but we can control how we respond to them. It’s this that defines us. I choose to be happy about the wonderful example my mother set for me in those final years, not sad about her death. 

Don’t delay difficult conversations. My first inclination when someone does something that bothers me is to bite my lip and remain quietly unhappy. Over the years, I have learned that stoicism only prolongs my displeasure. As much as I dislike confrontations, they often are the quickest path back to happiness. 

Example: My agent, Bob Kain, no longer had much time for me by the early 1990s. He had added new clients and taken on a management role in his firm. My career was suffering -- but for years, I said nothing. I didn’t want to damage my relationship with Bob. Instead, I let my resentment build until our relationship was almost irreparably harmed. After I finally spoke up, we found a solution -- a different agent at the company would handle the details of my career while Bob served as adviser. I could have avoided years of unhappiness if I had just voiced my displeasure sooner. 

Sell your smile... even to yourself. I once saw Olympic gold medalist Kristi Yamaguchi miss her landing on a triple lutz and fall hard on her back in front of a large crowd. She must have been in pain -- not to mention disappointed and embarrassed -- but she immediately bounced back up with a huge smile on her face. The remainder of her routine was flawless.
The crowd gave Kristi a big ovation. Her smile had convinced them that the fall didn’t matter -- everything was okay.
Kristi’s smile also convinced Kristi herself that everything was okay. It’s easy to lose confidence and feel bad when we "fall." Smiling or laughing releasesendorphins, hormones that trigger feelings of happiness and well-being. In other words, we don’t have to wait until we are happy to smile -- we can use a smile to make ourselves happy.
I put this lesson to use in my own life by searching for the humor in my darkest moments. If I can laugh at myself, my problems seem less daunting. 

Example: I was scheduled to skate in Peoria, Illinois, just hours after I learned that I had testicular cancer. I feared that this could be the last performance of my life, and I desperately wanted to do well -- but my mind was on my cancer, not my skating. Suddenly I noticed a woman in the front row ignoring my routine entirely and casually applying makeup. It made me chuckle to think that this performance that was so important to me was so meaningless to her. My mood immediately lightened, and I was able to get through the rest of the routine. 

Fight for change. The world changes. We change. It’s inevitable. The only way to remain happy is to embrace change and enjoy it. We need to take pleasure in meeting new challenges and take pleasure in the surprises that lie around every corner. The changes that we fear often make our lives much better in the end. 

Example: When the Ice Capades didn’t renew my contract, I feared that my professional skating career was over. As it turned out, getting fired led to one of the greatest successes of my life. My agent, Bob Kain, and I started a rival skating tour, Stars on Ice, that is still going strong and earning money today -- while the Ice Capades folded years ago.

Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Scott Hamilton, who won a gold medal in figure skating in the 1984 Winter Olympics in Sarajevo and cofounded the Stars on Ice professional figure-skating tour in 1986. He is a member of the World Figure Skating Hall of Fame and author of The Great Eight: How to Be Happy (Even When You Have Every Reason to Be Miserable)(Thomas Nelson). www.scottcares.com.

Persist: An Excerpt from the Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart

- By Daphne Rose Kingma
------------------------------------------------------------
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." --Wolfgang von Goethe

Persistence is the spiritual grace that allows you to continue to act with optimism even when you feel trapped in the pit of hell. It is the steadfast, continual, simple -- and at times excruciatingly difficult -- practice of trudging forward until the difficult present you're scared will go on forever is replaced by a future that has a new color scheme.

Persistence isn't fluffy or humorous (although it can benefit from frequent infusions of humor) or stupidly optimistic. Persistence is intention embodied, repeatedly, in action. It's seeing something through, even when it seems like you're not getting anywhere, because inside you know a solution is coming toward you that is different from the present, and that when it arrives it will hold a cornucopia of new possibilities.

Somewhere in the distance, your future is holding out its arms to meet you, ready to bring you whatever you've had the courage to ask for. It is already holding in trust whatever you have the courage to keep steadfastly moving toward. It wants to join hands with you to create the next chapter of your life, but it won't -- it can't -- if you stay riveted to the same spot, whining and complaining, passive, fearful, and resentful. That's because the future always comes toward us in exactly the spirit in which we approach it -- hands and heart open, or souls withered in defeat.

When you decide to persist, it's not because you're an idiot, not because you don't know from the inside or from looking around just how dire your current circumstances are. It's because in the face of perhaps thousands of reasons to be discouraged, you choose to be bold, to carry on, to keep on duking it out, no matter how grizzly, tedious, intractable, or seemingly hopeless the present situation may seem. The power of persistence is required especially when we're dealing with intense, emotionally devastating circumstances or bunches of hugely difficult things that have stacked up all at once. When you're facing a diagnosis of Graves' disease, a taxi accident, and the imminent death of your sister, and your boyfriend has just moved to Japan, you will definitely need to call on persistence.

Sometimes the persistence that can transform a whole life lasts just a few minutes -- as in the case of the soldier who slings his buddy's bleeding body up over his shoulder and lugs him across the desert until he can deliver him to the medivac copter. Sometimes it is a life's work, an Erin Brockovich-like crusade of endlessly knocking on doors, talking to strangers, gathering evidence, and poring through mountains of papers until, finally, you uncover the facts that can change everything.

Persistence is guts. Stick-to-itiveness. Determination. The willingness to repeat and repeat and repeat until you've achieved the desired effect. Persistence says: Don't give up!
In this sense, persistence is visionary. Expectant. A sacred journey resplendent with hope. When you persist you know, on a visceral level, that you are enacting your part in the invisible contract between you and the cosmos. Instead of feeling powerless, you feel alive. Instead of feeling hopeless, you have a sense that you're on the path to somewhere. Instead of feeling like a victim, you feel like a person of action; in your deep self you know that this choice for action will one day be rewarded with a response.

Persistence is the journey of effectiveness that allows you to hope. It is the energy that wants to get things done, to assist you in moving from crisis to solution. Persistence can take you from debt to solvency, from heartbreak to true love, from sickness to health, from foreclosure to having a home. Emotionally, it can take you from fear to joy; spiritually, it can deliver you from despair to peace. So persist, be steadfast in your undertaking, for only the path consistently traveled can deliver you to the outcome you long for.

Whatever your battle, it's never easy. The monsters never just slink back into the woods with their tails between their legs. They will fight you for every breath. There is a battle in this universe for every inch of light, and only those who persist will rise to behold the astonishing light of the sunrise.** To comment on this article or to read comments about this article, go here.

About the Author:

Daphne Rose Kingma is the author of The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart. Her bestsellers include Coming Apart, The Men We Never Knew and The Future of Love. A six-time guest on Oprah, she has also appeared on numerous other television shows and media outlets. A charismatic speaker, she has presented keynotes and seminars to audiences throughout the United States and Europe. She lives in Santa Barbara, California. Visit her online at http://the10thingsbook.com.

Excerpted with permission from The Ten Things to Do When Your Life Falls Apart © 2010 by Daphne Rose Kingma. Printed with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA.