Can You Learn to Be Happy?

Tal  Ben-Shahar, PhD

Recent scientific studies and scholarly research have reached some startling conclusions about what makes people happy. To help understand how you can use this information, we spoke to Harvard lecturer and best-selling author Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD.
Each semester, more than 800 Harvard students register for his life-changing class on positive psychology. Students explore the question How can we help ourselves and others to become happier? The students read academic journal articles, test ideas, share personal stories and, by the end of the year, emerge with a clearer understanding of what psychology can teach us about leading happier, more fulfilling lives.Is a person just “born happy” or “born unhappy”?

There is a genetic component to happiness. Some people are born with a happier disposition than others or with personality traits that are strong predictors of happiness, such as being sociable, active, stable and calm.
However, that doesn’t mean how happy we feel is out of our control. Our genes define a range, not a set point. “Grumpy” may not be able to cultivate the same view of life that “Happy” enjoys. A natural-born whiner may not be able to transform himself/herself into a Pollyanna. But we all can become significantly happier. Most people fall far short of their happiness potential.Your research suggests that money and success matter little in terms of happiness. Yet wouldn’t most people be happier if they won $5 million or a Nobel Prize?

This is a concept that my students and our society in general struggle with. Happiness largely depends on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. It depends on what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and on our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity?
One of the most common barriers to happiness is the false expectation that one thing -- a promotion at work, a prize, a revelation -- will bring us eternal bliss. As soon as you achieve your goal, the “what’s next” syndrome kicks in, leaving you as unfulfilled as before.
Let me tell you a personal story. When I was 16 years old, I won the Israeli National Squash Championship. I always believed that winning the title would make me happy and alleviate the emptiness I felt so much of the time. Winning the championship was necessary for fulfillment. Fulfillment was necessary for happiness. That was the logic I operated under.
After a night of celebration, I retired to my room to savor that feeling of supreme happiness. But my feelings of emptiness returned. I sat around trying to convince myself that perhaps substituting a new goal -- winning the World Championship -- would finally lead me to happiness.
What I came to realize was that a major victory can contribute to our well-being, but at best, it forms a small part of the mosaic of a happy life. The fairy-tale notion of happiness -- that something will carry us to the happily ever after -- inevitably leads to disappointment. A happy life is rarely shaped by some extraordinary life-changing event. Rather, it is shaped incrementally, experience by experience, moment by moment.So what does make us happy?

We must first accept that this is it! All there is to life is the day-to-day, the ordinary, the details of the mosaic. We are living a happy life when we derive pleasure and meaning while spending time with our loved ones or learning something new. The more our days are filled with these experiences, the happier we become.
The other significant component of happiness is that helping oneself and helping others are inextricably intertwined. The more we help others, the happier we become... and the happier we become, the more inclined we are to help others. Our nature is such that there are few more satisfying acts than sharing with others, than feeling that we contributed to the lives of others.What else can people do to be happy?

There are several things you can start right away...Simplify. We are too busy trying to squeeze more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much.
Introduce rituals into your life that are motivated by deeply held values. Think about what rituals would make you happier. It could be watching two movies a month or going on a date with your spouse every Tuesday. People are resistant to the idea of introducing ritualistic behavior in their lives because they think it will detract from spontaneity. But if you don’t ritualize activities you cherish, you often don’t get to them.
Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, rather than taking them for granted. One of the best ways to do this is by keeping a daily gratitude journal. Each night, before you go to sleep, write down at least five things that made or make you happy. These can be little or big -- from a meal you enjoyed to a meaningful conversation you had with a friend, from a project at work, to God.
What if a person is going through a really hard time in his life -- for example, he dislikes his job, but there’s nothing he can do about it right away. How can that person be happier?

We all must endure periods, sometimes extended ones, in which much of what we do affords us minimal satisfaction. During those times, it’s important to see these periods with a broader perspective and find ways to imbue them with meaning. 

In a fascinating study of hospital janitors, one group experienced their work as boring and meaningless, but the other group perceived the same work as engaging and meaningful because they crafted their work in creative ways. They interacted more with nurses and patients, and they saw their work not merely as removing the garbage and washing dirty linen but contributing to the patients’ well-being and the smooth functioning of the hospital. 

When changing your perception isn’t feasible or effective, I find that one or two happy experiences during an otherwise uninspiring period can transform our general state. These brief but transforming experiences, which I call “happiness boosters” provide us with meaning and pleasure. 

For example, I met a partner in a top consulting firm. Now in his 50s, he no longer enjoys consulting, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to leave his profession or give up the lifestyle that he and his family have grown accustomed to. He was able to reduce his workload enough to spend two evenings each week with his family. He also plays tennis twice a week and reads for three hours. He joined the board of his former high school, where he feels he can contribute in a meaningful way to the next generation. In an ideal world, he would be spending his working hours doing something he is passionate about, but he is still happier than he has been in a long time.

Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD, one of Harvard University’s most popular lecturers. For the past 10 years, he has taught personal and organizational excellence, leadership, ethics and self-esteem. His best-selling book, Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment (McGraw-Hill), has been translated into more than 20 languages.

 

How Not to Turn Into an "Old Driver"

How Not to Turn Into an "Old Driver"

Richard A. Marottoli, MD

Yale School of Medicine

As you buckle yourself into a two-ton metal machine and rocket down the road at 60 miles per hour or faster, you may ask yourself, "Am I as safe a driver as I used to be?" This can be a legitimate concern even if you’re in robust health and still a long way from being a senior. For instance, you may no longer be able to turn your head far enough to look behind you. 

Safety concerns become increasingly relevant as the years pass. 

Consider: Compared with drivers age 55 to 64, those over the age of 65 are almost twice as likely to die in a car crash... drivers age 80 and older have higher crash-fatality rates than all other age groups except teens. 

Aging affects driving ability in several vital ways...

Vision and hearing become less acute.
Cognition slows, impairing the ability to recognize and react appropriately to a hazard (such as a child dashing into the street).
The physical ability to operate a car may be impaired by stiff joints, muscle pain, nerve damage and other maladies.

Advancing age also brings increased frailty. This means that, even if driving skills remain sharp, the ability to recover from accidents decreases.
The modern world also presents hazards that older drivers may not be accustomed to. More than ever, drivers around you are likely to be distracted by cell-phone calls, text messages and GPS devices. These distractions greatly increase the risk for accidents.

NEW RULES OF THE ROAD

Avoid dangerous situations...

Use routes that minimize left turns -- they are more dangerous than right turns. When waiting to turn left, keep your wheels straight so you won’t be pushed into oncoming traffic if hit from behind.
On the highway, stay in the right lane whenever possible. There’s less risk of being tailgated, and you probably won’t need to change lanes to exit.
Minimize travel on congested or poorly lit roads.
Do not drive in rain or snow or when you feel tired or stressed. Stay home or call a taxi.

See and be seen...

To determine if you’re tailgating, pick a spot that the car in front of you passes, then count the seconds until you reach that spot. If it’s less than three seconds -- or six seconds in rain or fog -- back off.
Use your window defroster on high heat to clear window fog quickly... then switch to cool air (not cold) to keep fog from coming back. This works in all weather.
Keep your windows clean inside and outside.
Be on the watch for distracted drivers. Stay focused yourself, too -- don’t talk on the phone or eat or fiddle with the CD player or have emotional conversations with your passengers.
Keep headlights on, even during the day -- it makes you more visible to others. Clean headlights often.
If you have poor night vision, drive only in daylight.

Master new car technology...

Put your seat as far back as you comfortably can to avoid being injured by the air bag if it deploys.
Tilt the steering wheel so that the air bag points toward your chest, not your head. If your steering wheel telescopes, move it closer to the dashboard to lessen air bag impact.
If you skid, do not "pump" anti-lock brakes -- just brake steadily.

HEALTH CHECKS

Work with a health-care team...

Ask your doctor if any of the medications you take can cause drowsiness or light-headedness. If you start a new drug, avoid driving for a few days until you see how it affects you.
Have your vision checked every year or two.
Get a hearing test every three years. If you have hearing loss, watch dashboard indicators because you may not notice strange engine noises.

Also: Be vigilant about watching for emergency vehicles.

SHOULD YOU TAKE A CLASS?

The more of the following factors that apply to you, the more advisable it is to take a refresher course in driving. 

Take it as a clue if you...

Often are honked at by other drivers.
Sometimes have trouble staying in your lane.
Occasionally think that vehicles or pedestrians have appeared out of nowhere.
Caused a recent accident.

Many insurance companies offer discounts to drivers who pass a refresher course. Contact your insurance agent for more information. 

Some classes can be completed in one or two days... some you do at your own pace. Bonus: Classes review your state’s laws, which may have changed -- for example, many older drivers are unaware of certain states’ requirements to signal at least 100 feet before turning. 

Refresher courses are given online and in classroom settings. A course that includes several hours of behind-the-wheel training is most beneficial, though this can add significantly to the cost. For schedules and pricing, contact AARP (888-227-7669, www.aarp.org/drive) or your local AAA club (www.aaa.com).

PUTTING DOWN THE KEYS

It’s time to consider leaving the driving to others if you have taken a refresher course and yet still experience any of the following...

Often feel lost or confused on familiar roads.
Occasionally hit the gas when you mean to hit the brake.
Hear that other people worry about your driving or are scared to ride with you.
Have been advised by your doctor to stop driving.

If you stop driving...

Find out about public transportation options, including discounted fares for seniors.
For referrals to civic groups that provide rides, contact your local council on aging (800-677-1116, www.ElderCare.gov).
Ask nearby friends for rides (and offer to pay for gas). Many people are happy to help out.

Bottom Line/Women’s Health interviewed Richard A. Marottoli, MD, associate professor of medicine at Yale School of Medicine and medical director of the Dorothy Adler Geriatric Assessment Center at Yale-New Haven Hospital, both in New Haven, Connecticut. He is author of numerous published articles on senior drivers and led the "Enhancement of Driver Performance Among Older Drivers" study for the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety.

 

Wherever You Are, Be There

Wherever You Are, Be There by Jim Rohn

One of the major reasons why we fail to find happiness or to create a unique lifestyle is because we have not yet mastered the art of being.

While we are at home, our thoughts are still absorbed with solving the challenges we face at the office. And when we are at the office we find ourselves worrying about problems at home.

We go through the day without really listening to what others are saying to us. We may be hearing the words, but we aren’t absorbing the message.

As we go through the day we find ourselves focusing on past experiences or future possibilities. We are so involved in yesterday and tomorrow that we never even notice that today is slipping by.

We go through the day rather than getting something from the day. We are everywhere at any given moment in time except living in that moment in time.

Lifestyle is learning to be wherever you are. It is developing a unique focus on the current moment, and drawing from it all of the substance and wealth of experience and emotions that it has to offer. Lifestyle is taking time to watch a sunset. Lifestyle is listening to silence. Lifestyle is capturing each moment so that it becomes a new part of what we are and of what we are in the process of becoming. Lifestyle is not something we do; it is something we experience. And until we learn to be there, we will never master the art of living well.

Jim Rohn had the unique ability to bring extraordinary insights to ordinary success principles and life experiences. Check out the Jim Rohn Exceptional Life Set, a special limited-time offer of Jim Rohn programs that includes hours of powerful lessons that will improve your outlook and move your life toward the exceptional! Click here for more info or to order.

Everything Counts

It amazes me to see how many people:

- Listen to nasty music and think it won't affect them.

- Watch bad images and think they will not be impacted by them.

- Lie, cheat, and steal and think that it will not undermine their
reputation.

- Are late, unprepared and apathetic and think that it will not
impact their income potential.

- Make excuses and blame others for their sorry state and think
that it serves a useful purpose.

- Surround themselves with a lousy reference group and think that
they will not become just like them.

- Gossip about and criticize other people and think that it does
not demonstrate a lack of character.

- Expose their mind and soul to behavioral indecencies and really
think that it will not negatively impact their results.

These people are delusional if they think that’s the case.

UNFORTUNATELY, far too many are OVER-EXPOSED to these behavioral
indecencies which add absolutely no value to their lives.

In fact, by remaining exposed to these indecencies, they are in
effect digging a grave which they may never climb out of.

THE SOLUTION

You must never forget that your mind thinks about what it is
exposed too.

Therefore, consciously give serious and consistent exposure to
whatever is:

- True

- Noble

- Right

- Pure

- Lovely

- Admirable

If anything is excellent or praiseworthy—expose yourself
accordingly.

YOUR TWO-STEP CHALLENGE

Your challenge each and every day is twofold:

Step 1. Expose yourself to new ideas, to stimulating conversation,
to positivity, to good—honorable people, to quality music, to
healthy food, and...anything that is virtuous.

Step 2. Expose other people to your good character, sound judgment,
and to your helpful nature. You must expose people to the example
you want emulated in society.



--Gary Ryan Blair, Everything Counts


To order Gary's program, click here.

Dr. Gary Null's Simple Steps to Change Your Life

Gary Null, PhD

Most of us would like to make positive changes in our lives, but old habits and beliefs are hard to shake. The way our minds work is a big part of the reason why.

Memories of the past dominate our subconscious thoughts, playing and replaying in our heads like videotapes. If these mental tapes tell us that a cigarette will help us relax, then it will be difficult to quit smoking... if the tapes tell us that overeating cheers us when we’re depressed, then it will be difficult to lose weight... and if the tapes remind us that previous attempts at self-improvement failed, we might not try again.
To move past our mental videotapes and change our lives for the better...

Choose a goal and go. Decide what change you wish to make... determine what you can do at this very moment to get the ball rolling in that direction... and take this action now, even if it is very small.

Example: When I decided to film a documentary, I started doing research immediately, even though I hadn’t yet secured funding, distribution or a camera crew.
Making immediate progress toward change makes ambitious goals seem achievable. The feeling of accomplishment and momentum created by this initial progress can help eliminate doubts about your capacity for change.

Take a step toward your goal each day. When you look at yourself in the mirror each morning, take a moment to be pleased about the progress you have made toward achieving positive change... then decide what you will do today to build upon that progress.

Example: If your goal is to lose weight, you could resolve to find a healthy new recipe on the Internet today and prepare it for dinner tonight.

Choose reality over fantasy. Take the time you’re tempted to spend dreaming about changing your life and use it to make some changes instead.

Example: Don’t waste the evening staring at the TV, wishing you were a novelist. Start writing.

Turn off unhelpful automatic responses. Our natural reactions might seem appropriate to us at the time, but they can stand in the way of making positive change.

Common change-inhibiting reactions include feeling inadequate... being judgmental... obsessing over past mistakes... blaming others for problems... being impatient... procrastinating... and not listening to input from others.

If you are uncertain what counterproductive natural reactions stand in your way, start a journal and keep notes on which of your responses don’t seem wise in hindsight. Patterns will emerge.
Pick one to eliminate. When you catch yourself turning to this counterproductive reaction, think Stop. Take a deep breath, then try a different response to the situation. Expect this to feel uncomfortable at first.

Example: If you often are impatient, you might say to yourself, I’m not going to get upset about the length of this supermarket checkout line. I’m going to choose a magazine off the rack and calmly read it until it’s my turn.
Once you have broken one problematic pattern, take aim at another.

Find a support team. No one but you can bring positive change to your life -- but that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Meet with a professional counselor, join a peer support group or befriend someone who has made the change that you wish to achieve.

Example: Hire a financial planner to help you start saving.

Review the day’s progress each night. This forces us to confront missteps and allows us to enjoy progress. Consider how you would have lived this day if you were not making changes... then consider how you actually lived it. Try to create a headline for your day.

Example: If your goal is to become more assertive, a headline might be, "I stood up for my department in the monthly budget meeting."


Incorporate sacrifice and service into your regular routine. Find a way to give back every week. Donate time to a charity... or help a friend in need. Helping other people improve their lives will increase your confidence that you can improve your own. And volunteering can connect you with your community, preventing loneliness and depression.

Find perspective. Our fearful minds can make our problems seem more daunting than they really are. When your challenges seem insurmountable, pick up a newspaper and read stories about people who have much larger problems... or volunteer to work with those who are seriously ill or homeless. There probably are many people who would gladly trade places with you.

Share your growth. Tell a supportive friend about the changes you are making in your life. The positive feedback you receive should help you maintain your momentum.

Know that you are being watched. A silent spiritual witness is with you at all times. You can think of this witness as God or as your higher self. This witness is watching even when you are alone, so you cannot get away with backsliding to your old ways. This silent witness always is there to provide support and strength, so there is never reason to feel alone or afraid.

Burn the bridge to your old ways. Once you achieve a positive life change, mentally burn the bridge you have crossed. If you ever catch yourself backsliding to your old habits, remind yourself, I can’t go to that place anymore. The bridge is gone.

Example: Someone who has burned the bridge to her former angry outbursts might think, I’m not going to get angry with my husband. I burned that bridge. I’m going to tell my husband that I love him, then suggest that we sit down together and solve our problem.

Make your fears fear you. Our fears stalk us, keeping us on the defensive and preventing us from taking chances and making positive changes. We need to stalk our fears instead.

List your fears, and target one. Rather than hide from it, seek opportunities to confront it directly on your terms.
Example: Confront a fear of public speaking by standing up in front of a group of close friends to make a toast.
Sometimes you will fail, but that does not mean the fear has won -- you can keep stalking it until you succeed. Select a new fear to confront each week.

Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Gary Null, PhD, one of the foremost advocates of alternative medicine and natural healing. Based in New York City, he hosts Natural Living with Gary Null, a syndicated public radio program. He has written more than 70 books on self-empowerment, natural healing and public health issues, including The Complete Encyclopedia of Natural Healing (Bottom Line Books, 800-678-5835,www.BottomLineSecrets.com/store), and has produced more than 20 films and videos on health and nutrition topics. www.garynull.com.